THE PULITZER COLONOSCOPYABOUT THE WRITER: Dave Barry is a Pulitzer Prize-winning humor columnist for the Miami Herald.Colonoscopy Journal:I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy.A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one point passing briefly through Minneapolis.Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and patient manner.I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn't really hear anything he said, because my brain was shrieking, 'HE'S GOING TO STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!'I left Andy's office with some written instructions, and a prescription for a product called 'MoviPrep, ' which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven. I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of America's enemies.I spent the next several days. Tamara already had hers over a shoulder. He said, “Vecchio is due south. The airport closest is southeast a bit further. I’m inclined to get to Vecchio and take its temperature. The airport ... That might be tricky to try to get out that way. I’m no pilot, and I’m assuming you haven’t picked that up while I slept?”“Hardly,” Tamara chuckled.“Boat is our best options. If we can get on a big one, we might get back to Italy, or perhaps mainland France. Otherwise, Sardinia offers us a chance to disappear for a while, I think.”“Then let’s get moving,” said Tamara, “my tongue feels like it is made of sawdust and chalk.”“I’m sorry, Lauren. And you’re right,” Panthea told her quietly as they sat on a low couch in the sitting room down the hall from the small, private bunk room Panthea had to herself. “It won’t happen again.”“Thank you,” Lauren replied. “I hate this place. I get it. I’m so darn horny I could really use some more fun myself, but ... after Dad caught me and Finch, it’s just too.
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